By Ava Tramer
Mostly sunny and cooling
Highs: 70-90; Lows: 58-65
Highs: 92-110; Lows: 58-63
Hot with some clouds
Highs: 103-112; Lows: 72-81
And Santa Monica…
NATIONAL WEATHER CONVENTION 2010, in Boca Raton. Local representatives from all 50 states mingle, wearing professional name badges over kitschy t-shirts with bad puns about the locales they represent. We find a group of representatives in the midst of forced polite conversation:
NEW ORLEANS: …And it was just incredible, I could not believe the power of this planet. I said, “Honey, the Lord works in mysterious ways!”
METROPOLITAN NEW YORK: I can only imagine! That sounds like the time we had tornadoes touching down all over the city. My neighbor’s car was absolutely smashed! Just smashed! A tree came down –
OUTER BANKS: That reminds me…oh, sorry – were you finished?
METROPOLITAN NEW YORK (exaggeratedly polite): Oh no, you go ahead. It was nothing.
OUTER BANKS: No, I apologize. Do continue.
METROPOLITAN NEW YORK: Oh it was nothing, just extreme gale force winds knocked down our neighborhood’s oldest oak tree onto my neighbor’s car. Please, do go ahead.
OUTER BANKS: Well this all just reminds me of the recent hurrica-
SANTA MONICA and SAN DIEGO join the group.
SAN DIEGO: Oh hey guys! How’s it going?
The group offers polite but terse hellos.
SAN DIEGO: You remember my wife from Santa Monica.
SANTA MONICA nods and gives a small wave.
SAN DIEGO: So, what’s the latest? Oh, honey, why don’t you tell them about what’s been going on for you lately?
SANTA MONICA: Oh, no, I don’t think they want to hear.
SAN DIEGO: Oh go ahead. You should be proud! (To the others, chuckling proudly) She’s so adorably modest sometimes!
SANTA MONICA: Oh, well, it’s been so uncharacteristically hot lately, but things should be returning to normal, soon. I think it’ll be in the 70s and mostly sunny, if I had to guess.
The group offers polite sounds: That’s nice. I see. How lovely.
SAN DIEGO: Well, we just wanted to stop by and say hi! See you guys later.
SANTA MONICA: It was nice meeting you!
SAN DIEGO and SANTA MONICA head off to the refreshment table.
METROPOLITAN NEW YORK: Ugh, what a trophy wife.
The group nods in agreement. OUTER BANKS mimes throwing up.
OUTER BANKS: So, as I was saying -
METROPOLITAN NEW YORK: I need a drink. You guys want anything?